111 Ways to Die (#11 – #20)

This is how it all begins…(or ends)  The choice is up to you!  Remember to VOTE for your Faves!

Your Choices How to DIE This Week Are:

11.  Finally being able to afford a trip to Mexico when a tumultuous Hurricane Harry hits the shore and drives a palm tree branch through your chest while you are sipping a Mai Tai on the beach.

12.  Going down in an airplane next to your mother in law, while sitting next to a newborn who has been crying the WHOLE time, an old woman with terrible gas, and one guy who is trying to tell everyone on the plane to “stay calm”

13.  Getting into a time machine and going back to watch the Beatles perform on The Ed Sullivan show, only to accidentally transport yourself into the middle of Vietnam right before the area you land in gets nuked by the United States just like that scene in Forrest Gump.

14.  Having a truck fall off an overpass onto the freeway, smashing the car you are in while you were late on your way to work, and being forced to listen to the ridiculous immigration stories of your Armenian Uber driver.

15.  Walking down to get the mail, opening a letter, getting a paper cut,  but pulling out a check for a million dollars.  You celebrate, then read a note inside that says this letter was laced with arsenic which immediately gets absorbed into your skin through the papercut and you die a few hours later when you go to cash the check, which you find out was a fake.

16.  Strapping filet mignon, porterhouse, and flank steak to your body then being thrown out of a car into an alley full of ravenous junkyard dogs who eat you alive.

17.  Being force fed beets through your mouth until you cannot eat anymore, then being force fed beets through your butt until it comes out your mouth then being left to starve to death, unless of course you want to eat those beets.  (I obviously have an issue with beets)

18.  Having to sit through a two hour conversation with your Russian neighbor, while his non English speaking wife repeatedly stabs you with an ice pick and pours top shelf vodka into your wounds. Death by Ketel One.

19.  Having to attend an entire U2 concert.

20.  Catching a foul ball during the World Series, then being interviewed by the local media when ANOTHER foul ball comes straight at you and hits you in the head causing you to die on live television.

Please share, re-blog, comment, and like.  Buzzfeed ain’t got nothing on this list!

(#21-#30 Ways to DIE: December 15th, 2015!)

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111 Ways to Die (#1-#10)

This is how it all begins…(or ends)  The choice is up to you!  Remember to VOTE for your Faves!

Your Choices How to DIE This Week Are:

1. Being repeatedly kicked in the crotch by Taylor Swift as she forces you to listen to the new Coldplay album while Miley Cyrus sticks out her tongue and stabs out your eyes and ears with plastic utensils.

2.  Being tied down with pieces of Hillary Clinton’s pantsuit, while being smothered to death by Donald Trumps hair as Jeb Bush munches on kettle corn and laughs until you die.

3.  Drowning in a sea of unread “Cyber Monday” emails.

4.  Going to get a Brazilian wax, but instead of hair, the waxer rips out the top layer of skin all over your body, and then dumps you into one of the semi-frozen Great Lakes in Michigan.

5.  Same as number #1, but in front of a live audience.

6. Having someone put a gun to your head, pull the trigger, and nothing happens.  You breath a sign of relief and think you are going to live in the exact moment that your murderer pulls out another gun that DOESN’T jam and shoots you in the head for real this time .

7.  Falling off the edge of a cliff, only to realize it’s a mere three feet fall, but when you stand up, the ledge you fell onto gives out and you fall a mile and a half to your death into the Grand Canyon while tourists take pictures.

8.  Winning the lottery, then running outside to celebrate with the winning ticket only to slip and fall on a patch of ice in front of a 7-11 while some homeless person shanks you 51 times with a knife he fashioned out of a toothbrush. You die, bleed out, and no one ever claims the winning ticket. Instead the money goes back to the state government.

9.  Having someone meathead at LA Fitness drop fifty pound weights on your body until all 206 bones are broken while every douchebag in the place takes “gym selfies” of your demise while flexing in the mirror, then posts them on Facebook.

10. Listening to Katy Perry after you eat six pills of the strongest ecstasy, while you overheat from the inside and have a brain aneurysm in the middle of the song “Firework.”

Please share, re-blog, comment, and like.  Buzzfeed ain’t got nothing on this list!

(#11-#20 Ways to DIE: December 8th, 2015!)

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(Poll does not work in WP reader for some reason. Please leave your choice in the comment section, or go to main site.)

111 Ways to Die

Dying is no joke. I’ll be the first to say that there have been moments when I thought about how it will happen to me, and every one of them freaks me out.

A few weeks ago, a co-worker of mine told me about how he wrote down a bunch of ways he could go out, but so far, he hasn’t made true on any of them.

But, it gave me an idea….

We’re all going to die someday, right?  My biggest fear is drowning to death or suffocating, but what if there are 111 ways to go out that are WORSE than either of those, but also kind of funny at the same time.

Why does death have to be so serious?

For example.. …(and keep in mind, I would make these requests in advance and I would pay someone to set it up, but ultimately, I wouldn’t know that it was coming until it actually happened.)

Instead of simply getting shot in the head, I would “walk into a bar in Hollywood to have a drink with Justin Timberlake, right before he takes me into a secret room in the basement where seven gorgeous naked women hold me down as JT shoots me in the dick with a pellet gun, until I bleed out and die on the floor while the movie “Friends With Benefits” plays on the big screen TV.”

You get it? What a terrible way to go!

Every week for eleven weeks, I will post ten horrifically comedic ways to die, then YOU the reader will vote on the top two worst ways to go that week. At the end of the eleven weeks, We will have our top ten, and I will post that in the final blog.

What am I trying to accomplish by doing this?  I don’t know, but I obviously have a dark sense of humor. Regardless of if you think this idea is morally right or wrong, we’re gonna find out.